Update 23
January 10 - Starting off with some Newsy news, not cancer related
- how fun! Jennifer just wrote and told me that the movie "Big Fish"
was filmed at her college - Huntingdon College in Montgomery, Alabama!
Seems the production company took up residence there from August 2002
to May of 2003. So, if you see the movie you will see where Jennifer went
to college!
Countdown to new boobs! Five days! Not too nervous yet but I am sure
that will come!
Hair is about ¼" long all over except the very top of my
head! Have a darker band going across my forehead where my normal hairline
is for about an inch then just patchy areas! Certainly hope that fills
in! Mostly soft feeling except for the back of the crown which still feel
like whiskers! Looks like I will have to start to shave my underarms again
soon, definitely before surgery! Nothing significant anywhere else though.
Be glad to see more eyelashes and eyebrows!
Feeling pretty darn good, all things considering - that should be a comfort
to those of you with loved ones going through this or if you are dealing
with this yourself. You do actually recover from the dreaded chemo! And,
this is what, about six weeks after my last treatment? Now, if I had more
treatments and radiation I would not be quite so chipper so soon, I am
sure. But with the four chemo treatments I am feeling quite well now!
I am really pleased about that because I need to be really well for the
surgery on Friday. If I were still weak they would not do it yet. I want
to get on with things! Bought Pirates of the Caribbean to watch while
I am recovering. Still have Lord of the Rings II to see, also. Got to
get a few more books to read and I will be set. I am sure I will have
to take it easy for the first week especially. I will find out more on
Monday when I go for my third to the last fill!
Still having a bit of trouble with my memory but that seems to be getting
better so soon it will just be "old age" when I can't remember
something!
January 11 - Speaking of memory or more specifically, leftover
chemo brain, today I had to ask Jen what color did red and blue make?
Cripes! I am an artist by profession and that is basic knowledge for the
general population! I just couldn't bring it up! I'm sure I would have
- eventually - but it was a bit disconcerting. I tested myself later,
on lots of color combinations and was okay so the info is still there!!!!!!!!!
Say good-bye to another persona - Bald-headed Beatrice! She really can't
stay any longer since I can see hair. I can actually see my hairline as
a distinct darker area. Bald-headed Beatrice has been replaced by Bristly
Brianna! The duck down was there for only about two days and was then
replaced by real hairs! Fuller in the back and over my ears, still very
patchy on top. Lisa was here tonight and told me that hers grew back in
like that so not to worry. Good news! Be glad to have my hair back because
my little head is cold!
How's this for energy - painted the bathroom ceiling, four doors in the
hallway, designed and began painting a new doorguard for Harold's NASCAR
room, cooked dinner and went to church! Not bad for someone who is just
six weeks out of chemo! I did pace myself but I really think that if I
weren't having surgery on Friday I would be zipping on towards feeling
fine all the time! I need my new boobs, though. If you remember back to
when I was first diagnosed and found I needed a mastectomy, my feelings
were that if I had to go through all that crappy stuff my "reward"
was perky boobs for life with no bra! I chose to have immediate reconstruction
because I didn't want to wake up from surgery with nothing there plus
I am a big chicken and knew I would dread having to heal from one surgery
and then have to have another for the expanders, then for the implants,
then for the nipple reconstruction. Saved myself a surgery and figured
I was going to be sore anyway after a double mastectomy so what was a
little more pain added on then. I understand that if I had not had the
immediate reconstruction the pain would not have been as intense (felt
like a big truck had run across my chest!) but I knew for positive sure
that I wanted reconstruction and I was in pretty good health otherwise
so could withstand the extra healing involved. I admit that it was a lot
to deal with along with the chemo but I am very glad to have all that
behind me instead of looming in the future. This is a very personal decision,
though, and one size does not fit all in this case. Many women opt not
to have reconstruction or to begin it after completely healing from their
mastectomy surgery. None of those decisions is wrong unless it feels wrong
to the woman and then there is a problem. So………..be sure
that what is happening to you or someone you love is what YOU or THEY
want and not what someone else thinks you or they should do, based on
sound medical facts, of course. I am on a soapbox kick lately, aren't
I! New persona - Soapbox Sara………….
Little tiny hairs in my eyebrows so maybe soon I won't have to fill them
in with an eyebrow pencil, eyelashes are still wacky, sparse and stiff
still, what few I have! Other than the hair issues and impending surgery
I feel great!
January 12 - Three days till the twins arrive! Have I told you
that they still won't be exactly in their proper place then? Right now
my "boobs' are up very high. Place your elbows straight down at your
sides, place your finger tips in the middle of your chest and let your
hands fall back - that is where my boobs are now, the most rounded part
is very close to the middle of my chest with all the extra stuff out to
the sides (and under my arms of course!). The expanders are round and
the implants will be teardrop shaped, a much more natural shape. It will
take them some time to shift around in there after being inserted, to
where they will eventually stay which is why I have to wait about three
months for the nipple reconstruction. Wouldn't do to have them in the
wrong place!
Flavia quote for today, "Through the eyes of compassion we are all
one in spirit and connected by this gift we call life." Seems fitting
for my journals and all of you.
Hair report - Had to shave the three hairs under my arms before going
to the doctor today!
Off to Dr. J's today for my third to the last fill and for the photo
request for his artwork for the magazine. That will be fun! The magazine
part, not the getting stuck with a needle part! I have a whole list of
questions for him, too, about down time, restrictions, etc. Hopefully,
he concurs with my "week" of down time as I have "things
to do!" I also have on my list to ask him if anyone else has ever
shown up with red-sequined, tasseled, pasties! At least anyone my age!
Back from the doctor. Okay, the answer to the tassel question is "No!"
Closest anyone else has come is smiley face stickers! Not even close to
my tassels! He says I will be very sore, mostly under my arms due to the
liposuction, and uncomfortable from the implants because he will have
to loosen the expanders from the build up of scar tissue that has formed
around them before he can insert the implants. The "scoring"
and extra skin removal will be uncomfortable, too, but they are in areas
that I don't have much feeling (on the outside anyway!). The incisions
for the implant surgery will be in the existing mastectomy scars so should
not be too bad since there is not much feeling there either. He will cut
into the same scar from the chemo port surgery, remove the port and cut
away the scar from the chemo port surgery, and pull the skin back together
to form a smaller, less noticeable scar. That will probably be very sore,
too, as I do have a lot of feeling there! I will have a tight bandage
across the top of my chest to force the implants down. He will leave the
scar tissue that has built up around the expanders at the top of my "new
breast mounds" so I have something besides skin next to muscle for
a more natural look. The implants are tear drop shaped (as opposed to
the very round expanders) so he will have to cut into the scar tissue
along the bottom of the breast mounds to nip, tuck and reshape. I was
not happy to hear that I may have to have those dreadful drains (remember
Jennifer called them my grenades"!) back in for a while! He will
have to see how much fluid there is to deal with so I won't know until
I wake up if they are there! Crap! Crap! Crap! I hated those things! Oh
please, oh please, oh please, let them not be there when I wake up! I
also found out that the nipple reconstruction requires another Outpatient
surgery! Where did I get the idea it was an in office procedure??????
Probably Outpatient because there will be skin grafts involved. Guess
that part should have tipped me off! Haven't really thought about that
part for a long while. Oh well, that is three months down the road, I
will worry about that later!
On a more pleasant note, he was very pleased about the magazine wanting
to see photos of his work! He will do an article if they decide they like
his work! How fun! That would be a hoot to see my doctor have an article
in the same magazine that I write for! I left the emails with him where
I discussed his artwork with the editor of Glass Patterns Quarterly so
he could read them later and know it was for real! Always nice to savor
good news when you can relax over a cup of coffee and let it all sink
in. It is not a done deal, but it is always nice to know someone is interested
in your artwork! I'll keep bugging him so he doesn't let the opportunity
pass by!
Harold is installing a new light fixture along with a medallion with
raised roses that I tinted and then antiqued, in our guest bathroom. We
are trying to get it finished finally, now that things have settled down
a bit. He will then have to install the shower tile before I can hang
the wallpaper so I should be feeling okay by that time. I have had that
wallpaper for seven months! Nice to be doing "house stuff" again.
I love to do home decorating!
A bit worn out today and bummed about the drains possibility so off to
bed!
January 13 - Very tired today, just dragged around. I think I
am getting a wee bit depressed at knowing I have to have surgery - again!
- and have to recover from it - again! I know I am moving forward but
wish it didn't have to hurt!
Flavia words for today - "Seize every day as an adventure and your
spirit will discover the wonderful surprises life has to offer."
I really like that one and even though my spirits are down a bit right
now, I do heartily believe those words!
January 14 - Ole' Leaky Louise needed more juice today! Be glad
when that part is done - only one more time tomorrow and never again!
Told Dr. J that I was nervous, excited and depressed all at the same time
about Friday's surgery and he said, "Good, it makes me very nervous
when someone is not concerned about having surgery." So, at least
I am normal, although I was not especially comforted by those words! We
talked glass stuff again for a bit, that actually is comforting since
it is a very normal conversation for me to have with someone who is interested
in glass art. Running around now like a crazy person trying to be sure
everything is ready for me being down again for a week.
Hair report - even from a distance my head looks dark! I can almost pinch
some hairs between my fingers at the very back of my head. I told Dr.
J today not to let anyone take my blue surgery cap off unless I have my
wig back while I am "out of it" with the anesthesia. Am I vain
or what! Don't care - I don't want to be laying around with my bald head
showing. Like anyone there would care! But………I care.
Got results of my latest blood work back and I am not anemic anymore
and everything was within normal ranges except those *%#@(^* triglycerides!
I must work on that! Cannot beat breast cancer to have that get me! Was
pleased to hear that all was well, though. I don't see the oncologist
again until February and am expecting to hear that I am doing fine. Must
begin to diet now in earnest, cannot have the Perky Twins outshadowed
by my fat roll!
January 15 - Flavia quote - "The sharing of feelings connects
us and makes us realize how much we all need each other in this world."
Oh, my! Doesn't this just perfectly describe all of us who are sharing
info about breast cancer with each other in hopes of saving lives? You
bet it does! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
A friend wrote and asked the following questions and I thought they might
be of interest to some of you, too. She asked, "Will you be able
to choose from several sizes (implants) or is it a one size fits all?
Also, when you are 80 years old, will they sag down like mine?" My
answers: He measured me while I still had my "old ones" with
calipers and other fancy equipment so he could order the right size "range."
I had told him I wanted to be smaller and much perkier that I was at that
point! He said perkier would not be a problem! I am actually the same
size as I was (38C) they just point out instead of down! They are the
perfect size for my body (remember I am "pleasingly plump!) so I
look the same, only clothes will fit better because my boobs will be up
higher than before and I won't have a bra!!!!!!! He kept adding saline
solution on each fill until I was the size I wanted to be. I couldn't
go any higher that 600cc in each with the expanders I have in now. If
I had wanted Dolly Parton boobs I would have had to tell him that when
he ordered the expanders before surgery. And yes, when I am 100 they will
still point out!!!!!!!! It is just chest muscle, no breast tissue is left
to sag!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea!
Great day today! Went to Dr. J and ole' Leaky Louise held up well enough
that I didn't need a fill - I am done with that part forever! On to the
hospital for pre-op stuff. Ended up I didn't need to get another blood
work test, the hospital called my primary care doctor, they faxed over
the blood test results and the results were fine with the hospital since
they were all "normal!" Nobody poked me with needles at all!!!!!!!!!
That is a huge plus in my book since they are going to town on me tomorrow!
It is about 11 p.m. now, by this time tomorrow I will be home in my recliner,
hopefully in a drug induced stupor feeling no pain and will be all done
with this surgery!
I fell like I am about to float away. They wanted me to "hydrate,
hydrate, hydrate" today so I have had 48 ounces of water and two
cups of coffee! Nothing after midnight tonight and I don't have to be
at the hospital until noon tomorrow. That's a long time to go without
water! They want my cells nice and full and my veins nice and plump so
I had to constantly drink today! Anything to make me feel better after
surgery! Am supposed to have peanut butter toast or applesauce right before
midnight to give my body some nourishment for the rough day tomorrow.
Am in a great mood, at least tonight! Onward, finally! Not tired at all,
way too hyper to be tired! Jen and Harold will be with me tomorrow. They
are both so great, neither ever complains about being inconvenienced or
having to take time off of work and there certainly has been plenty of
that over the last six months.
Hair report - had to pluck my eyebrows!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, three hairs
to be exact but still they were in the wrong place and one was kind of
long, don't know how I missed that one until now. Seem to be more eyelashes
but still thin and wispy. However, more is more! Peach fuzz on my face
and arms again, head hair feels a bit fuller (still gray and brown though
- where are my red curls?)
Did I tell you that I have been having to massage the area under the
scar on the left breast mound? The scar tissue is harder there and Dr.
J wants to see if we can soften it up a bit and of course, I cannot remember
exactly why! Something to do with the stretching/shaping that the implant
will do. No real feeling there, I am aware I am touching the area but
can only feel the pressure and that feels the same if I press hard or
even go back and forth over the area with my fingernail. Odd sensation,
but not too weird.
Been corresponding today, making arrangements for teaching commitments
I have for March (Tennessee) and April (Nevada, again), ordering supplies
for Vegas, making dinner dates with friends for Vegas, future planning
- nice normal work stuff! Feels sooooooooooo good!
Must go eat my peanut butter toast before the deadline of midnight!
January 16 - D-day is here! Only a few hours left for ole' Lop-sided,
Leaky Louise and Hard Rock Hannah to be in existence! Can't say I will
miss them but I might miss ole' Leaky Louise a bit just because I talked
about her so much! Wonder how well the Perky Twins will behave? Maybe
they will just be boring! Not scared or even very nervous, just anxious
to get going.
No photo this week, too much to do! I plan on dictating to Jen
in the morning and then sending out the update so you will know how the
surgery went and if the Twins are doing fine. This is like having babies
only the location is different! Of course, I never "exchanged"
either of my children like I am exchanging the expanders for the Twins!
I am giddy with excitement - it feels so darn good to be moving ahead
in a very positive way.
News Flash! I'm home and Jen is typing this for me. Feeling OK - ole'
Leaky Lopsided Louise and Hard Rock Hannah are gone and the Perky Twins
have arrived! Yeah, yippee, hooray - no drains!!!! Although, the nurse
tried twice to get the IV started, it just wasn't happening so the anesthesiologist
finally had to start it. They let me keep my wig on during surgery, just
had to cover it with the dreadful blue hat. Dr. J came in and drew all
over me with a big marker. He said too bad he couldn't rub my head for
good luck, so I whipped off Sassy Simone and he rubbed my head and so
did the nurse…she actually felt my hair and said, "It is so
soft." Then they gave me happy juice and wheeled me out. Harold and
Jen ditched me and went to Cracker Barrel for lunch! They actually had
plenty of time so it was good for them to get out of the hospital. Woke
up with the Twins! The only area that hurts right now is where he removed
the chemo port. I'm going to let Jen tell you what happened next…
Hello Everyone! Dr. J. came out and told us that everything went very
well and that she was in the initial post-op recovery area and that
she would be there for about an hour. He explained that the portion
of the surgery that was going to give her the most trouble/ discomfort
was the liposuction. That area might swell up and turn black and blue
- not to worry. I am very glad he told us that, for I would not be too
comfortable seeing that without any warning! He said she had a large
bandage going around the top of her chest to keep the implants in place.
(Just a side note - she said she was going to let me tell you…however,
she is still trying to dictate!) I asked him if she had drains and he
said that she didn't need them for there was not much fluid. When he
told me that I felt a sense of relief for her - I know how much she
hated them. (Medication is working quickly, she is much quieter now,
has stopped dictating to me…had to check to make sure she was still
awake!) We go back to see him next Friday - she can't drive at all for
the next week and he will determine when he sees her then if the restriction
continues…could be as much as two weeks. He stated that he had
to open the chest pocket a little more than originally planned while
he was motioning along the line where the mastectomy scars would be
- the implants just needed a little more room to ensure a good fit.
Everything else went according to plan. Once she was awake they would
move her from the first post-op recovery (in the back) to the second
post-op (where we were waiting) and from that point it would be whenever
she felt well enough to go home…probably another 45 min to an hour.
We thanked him for taking such good care of her. Okay, she is begging
for control so I will turn it back over to her.
This is me typing!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am feeling pretty chipper actually and
getting ready to have an egg sandwich! Just wanted you all to know for
at least tonight, there is no comparison between the mastectomy surgery
and this one, thank heavens. I will have to see how I am tonight and tomorrow
but for now I am justa' fine!
As always, love to you all and many thanks for your caring thoughts and
continued prayers.
Margot - finally am Perky Polly!!!!!!!!!!!!! The infamous Perky Twins,
Polly and Dolly are in residence! Brenda Braveheart didn't have to come
back from vacation after all!
After reading through the updates,
if you have any questions please email
me
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